A Shy Child Becomes School Age
Every parent is full of excitement as soon as his child starts formal schooling. The first day of school comes, everything is set, from your child’s clothing, school bag, lunch box to his breakfast. All of a sudden, your child starts acting strange. He overslept; did not want to leave his bed. You have to push him to the bathroom to help him take a bath. He is very quiet while you were dressing him and at the breakfast table, he hardly ate his favorite cereal and hesitantly drank his milk. Then, you drove him to school. As soon as you arrived, he immediately clings to you and hides behind your back. His teacher approaches you but he refused to greet her as you two have practiced many nights earlier. What happened? You thought your child was ready for his first day in school. But no, do not think that he is not! He is just suffering a normal condition experienced by the best of people not only children. It is an anxiety associated to the many firsts in our lives. In the case of your child, he is experiencing separation anxiety. Think about it. You and your child shared a special relationship from the moment of conception to the moment he was born up until the present. He was under your protective care as his mother. He clings to you for support following you wherever you go. He cries if he does not see you while he exhibits wonderful expressions and gestures whenever you are near. This relationship goes on until the child reaches the stage wherein he has to finally face the world on his own. His attachment to you does not wear off that easily. It takes time for your child to become used to new surroundings and an environment out of your realm, at least at times when he is in school. The years you spent with him, how you formed him to become the child that he is today will be revealed to you first hand by how he behaves in school. His ability to adjust and cope easily with this new surrounding and how you brought him up will be put to the test. Bear in mind that children vary in their temperaments. Some children are “easy.” Other children are the “shy types” or those who are slow-to-warm-up especially if strangers are around. Of course, there are children who are extremely difficult. Your role as a mother and your increased level of understanding are needed by your child. Just remember your first days or weeks in school. Bet it was not easy for you either. Your youngster will benefit so much from your understanding and support. The first days in school are the first time your child will be away from you, therefore, separation anxiety is very normal. You just have to apply different forms of strategies that will better guide you in helping your child cope with the changes. Identifying your child’s temperament is your first step. There are seven traits that can help you determine potential problems with school adjustments. See how he rates in each of the traits: • The “active” child (Quiet 1…2…3…4…5 Active) – definitely in school, your child will be asked to behave well, sit still especially if the teacher gives her instructions. Does your child move around and fidget all the time? How long can he handle staying in one place? • The “distracted” child (Not distractible 1…2…3…4…5 Very distractible) – be sure to create a technique with your child to guide him to be focused on a classroom activity and fix his attention to his teacher. A good test to determine whether your child can focus is if he often brings home an unfinished school work. • The “persistent” child (Gives up easily 1…2…3…4…5 Stubborn) – this means your child easily gives up as soon as he met a stumbling block towards his goal. If your child often submits incomplete papers or does not do his homework, then it is more likely that he stops at attempts to finish his work in the first difficulty he encounters. • The “shy” child (Approaches 1…2…3…4…5 Withdraws) – oftentimes, children start as the shy type. He was so well protected during his early years and a new environment gives him the creeps. This might affect his adaptability in school situations. • The “intense” child (Mild reaction 1…2…3…4…5 High intensity) – a child, immature as he is, cannot handle his emotions that well. As a parent, you should guide him on his way to emotional maturity especially in dealing with anger. • The “adaptable” child (Adapt quickly 1…2…3…4…5 Slow to adapt) – child in his school year will always be confronted with transitions especially if he enters a period wherein several classes will take place in a day. • The “regular” child (Regular 1…2…3…4…5 Irregular) – start observing your child’s sleeping and eating habits. Varying sleeping and eating rhythms is a sign of stress and may affect his temperament and moods. • The child’s “sensory threshold” (Not sensitive 1…2…3…4…5 Very sensitive) – observe your child if he is picky. This may result in his inability to perform well in class. If fabrics, tags and noises bother her, act on it. • The “moody” child (Positive 1…2…3…4…5 Negative) – as a parent, you should be the first one to encourage your child by pointing out the positive qualities in him and helping him focus on the goodness in a situation. Your child need not be the only one ready but you as his parent as well. You need to be ready to let him go and trust the teachers in school as well. The best way to help your child cope with this inevitable change is to prepare him for it. How? Here are some ways: • Introduce your child to his first school. Go with him in his classroom. Introduce him to the surroundings inside – show him the bathroom, his cubby and the principal’s office. If possible, talk to his teacher and introduce him to her so they can get acquainted even before the first day starts. • Practice with him and encourage him to talk to other children and adults. When he gains new friends in school, let him invite his friends to your house for a visit and ask him to be the tour guide. He will easily learn the give-and-take conversation. • Task his older brother or sister, if they are in the same school, to look after their little brother. Give him a smile and a reassuring wave of comfort to make him at ease and not alone. • Always say an appropriate goodbye before leaving him behind with his teachers and classmates. Give him a reassuring hug and kiss and tell him who will fetch him at dismissal time. • Stay awhile during his first day. Help him start his class by organizing his things on his little table and help him think of a nice way to introduce himself. Also, you can establish a few things with your child’s teacher such as: • Soliciting some suggestions from her on how you can prepare your child more effectively. • Ask her help to keep an eye on your child and guide him in transitions like changing of classes. • Ask her, too, for a copy of the class list as soon it is available so you can take note of children who live nearby your home and arrange some play dates with them with the permission of their parents. • Ask her to maintain communication with you to update you with your child’s progress. There you have it, a bag full of school tips for your shy school-age child, a budding kindergartener. Remember, being shy is not at all bad or not your child’s fault. It is a natural feeling of people, especially little ones, undergoing some firsts in their lives. First times are never easy but helping them go through it will be a day to remember rather than a day to regret. |
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